Gerrymandering is a term noting the political tactic of manipulating boundaries of electoral districts for unfair political advantage.
The term, originally written as “Gerry-mander,” was first used in 1812, in the Boston Gazette, when their editors reacted to a redrawing of Massachusetts state senate election districts under Gov. Elbridge Gerry.
Gerry actually found the proposal distasteful, but the redistricting was a success: His party retained control of the legislature.
One contorted district that had been redrawn was said to resemble the shape of a salamander, although the person who coined the term gerrymander was never identified.
The practice of gerrymandering aims to lock as many voters of one party as possible into a district to give another party a better shot at winning one (or more) neighboring districts. This year, we’re perfecting the practice.
So, let’s examine where we are today…
In a town in South Texas, where folks always voted,
Their ballots were sacred, all selections were noted.
The citizens studied and considered their choices
Before pulling a lever and voicing their voices.
Then one day on a whim, their governor decreed
That a new guy named Gerry is a guy they should heed;
His last name was Mander, that’s Irish, I think.
And he came into town and made a big stink.
He’d draw some new maps for the good of their city.
They’d have curls and bends, and he’d make them look pretty.
Some of his marks looked fat, some looked tall
And some of them seemed to make no sense at all.
With new demographics and a ruler in tow
He’d mark out some boundaries, by party, OH NO!!
The lines were all twisted; some voters might curse.
Candidates now picked the voters, not the reverse.
The governor and Gerry had a plan to work out.
“This will be fairer” is the message they’d shout.
“We can add five more seats in Congress next year,
Without adding a vote, we just move this line here.”
We’ll stretch out this section, and wrap this around,
Look, it’s shaped like an aardvark, now that’s profound.”
Now there’s half a street that we’ll move over here
And we’ll get eight more votes, that’s pretty clear.
The people all asked, “must the lines be so strange?
Couldn’t they simply be normal in range?”
“Ha!” chuckled Gerry, “that’s not how you win—
You draw where your friends are and box others in!”
The town was broken in pieces, some tiny, some long,
Citizens no longer lived where each vote was strong.
A single street now may be split into two;
Six votes for the Red, and two for the Blue.
Of course, things could backfire, as apathy grows,
If your vote doesn’t matter, there may be more no-shows,
Turnouts get smaller, voter confidence dwindles,
If your vote doesn’t matter, it feels like a swindle.
When that starts to happen, we’ll have to adjust,
We must have a new plan, we must, we just must.
When people stop voting and the results aren’t assured,
We’ll have to redraw the lines, to make sure we’re covered.
And let’s not forget there are states that are blue
That will surely react with their own goofy view,
Of how districts get drawn to elect just their own,
And we’ll screw over more voters, oh, what have we sown?
To win more without votes, is that really the goal,
To divide us some more, to rig every poll?
If Gerry does it for Red, Gavin’ll do it for Blue
Both teams know the art of the twist and the skew.
Each side will exclaim, the other side cheated,
Then draw their own squiggles, with opponents deleted.
If folks try to stop them, they’ll just grin and say:
“This is just districting—the American way!”
Most just accept this, some will complain.
But Gerry’d just giggle and say, “I’ll explain,
We can’t stop it now, if we try stopping the game,
All of the winners might not come out the same.
Some citizens will grumble, “We need fairer maps!
No more of these lines drawn by partisan saps!”
Let’s hope that it’s soon, we need a line in the sand.
Whether you’re Red or you’re Blue, this is all our land.
Democracy doesn’t die when we elect bad people. It dies when we, the people, don’t stand up for it.
Curt MacRae, a resident of Coldwater, MI, publishes regular opinion columns
To be notified by email when a column is published, or to offer feedback email rantsbymac@gmail.com
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