This week an accountant approached me; a big guy, big hands and feet, tough guy, a CPA. He had tears in his eyes, and his big hands were shaking as he pleaded, “Sir, can you help me? I wanted a box of pencils for Christmas and now I’m told I can only have one or two. Sir, it doesn’t seem like a huge ask, but I really need more pencils. Sir, can you help me?”
I had to decline. Because as you probably know by now, President Don-old J. Trump has made it very clear that there is a two-pencils limit. “You can give up pencils… every child can get 37 pencils, they only need one or two, you know, they don’t need that many.” While I considered alternatives to my friend’s plea — maybe suggesting that he focus more on gifts for his young daughters instead — I recalled the president’s follow-on counsel: “You don’t need thirty-seven dolls for your daughter. Two or three is nice.”
The president offered this sage advice while defending tariffs, arguing that Americans should sacrifice in order to support current tariff policies. This stance seems slightly at odds with pledges made during the 2024 campaign, when we were promised, (wasn’t that last year?) that “prices will come down on Day-One” and America would be so rich we’d get tired of winning? Are you tired yet?
The Biden-Harris administration kept telling us the economy was good, that prices were going down, that we were doing well. We didn’t believe them. Today’s message from today’s administration sounds remarkably similar.
Continuing to trash a murdered movie director on social media, changing the font at the State Department, or slapping your name on more federal buildings may distract us. Touting your unbelievable (yes, really unbelievable) MRI results and cognitive testing, delaying the release of the Epstein files and boat attack videos, and slathering more makeup on your diseased hand may divert our attention. But tomorrow, we’ll be back at the grocery store and filling up our tank again.
The message from voters is always “it’s the economy, stupid” but telling us that all prices are down and that gas is less than $2 per gallon is not helpful; voters have eyes. Blaming Biden is getting old; and that’s not the only thing that seems old now.
Of course, sacrifice is subjective. Farmers, who have been hammered with on-again, off-again trade-wars, will now get bailed out again (partially) with government handouts (socialism anyone??). What’s next? Bringing back Biden’s plan to forgive student loans? Please, someone needs to be concerned with our national debt.
If you started off with billions, you may still enjoy an abundance of pencils, dolls, yachts, jets, and tax shelters. You got your huge tax cuts. And corporate executives continue to collect huge surges in compensation for ensuring their corporate profits with favorable government contracts, regulatory favors, and tariff exemptions in exchange for obvious quid-quo-pro contributions to a $300 million ballroom and a couple of gold grifts provided to the power that grants those favors.
Note to billionaires: How much do you really need anyway? How much is enough?
Perhaps the real emergency facing America is not health care, climate change, housing costs, gun violence, student debt, infrastructure, or the inconvenience of being a democracy. Now that we are limiting pencil consumption, maybe we stop taking our abundance for granted and we can regain our pioneering spirit. Hardship builds character, and it took someone who will never experience it to remind us. Thank you, Mr. President.
I know I’ll hear feedback (thank you, in advance, for your thoughtful comments) that prices are going down. In response, please change the channel. Or, better yet, compare your grocery bill this year to your grocery bill of a year ago. Mrs. Mac can provide you with some numbers on that. Groceries – what a great word!!
True patriots tighten their belts, reuse tea bags, ration pencils, and proudly pay more for less. Corporations, major campaign donors, and hedge-fund managers wonder what’s the big deal? Everything seems fine.
Every poll, every study, shows that prices are up, despite what you hear from one guy. The average price of a new car is now over $50,000. If you finance that for six years, your payment will be north of $900 per month, FOR SIX YEARS!!
We are recommending 50-year mortgages; can you imagine that? The average first-time homebuyer, now 40, will be 90 when they pay off that starter home. Then it’s time to upgrade to the dream home, right?
As for my friend, he’ll be OK. CPAs are resilient. He will sharpen his one or two pencils, use both sides of the paper, and remind himself that this is now what winning feels like.
Wrap austerity in the flag and hope no one notices who keeps getting richer. Has anyone noticed? Anyone? I can give you a hint.
Are you getting tired of winning yet?
Merry Christmas… No, really.
Curt MacRae is a resident of Coldwater, MI and publishes opinion columns regularly
To be notified by email when a column is published, or to offer feedback: rantsbymac@gmail.com
LOL, you are hilarious.
Merry Christmas and I mean it, it will be for me.